I had my car keyed in the battle for this country’s soul.

It wasn’t really my car and the battle was only a metaphorical one, but the crime part is true. I needed to go to Lancaster, PA this past weekend because Pennsylvania is a battleground state and John Kerry desparately needs my help. It’s partially my fault for not explaining the purpose of my mission to the kind people at the rental car company. My mistake allowed them to give me a car with a license plate from Massachussetts. I was only in the hotel for thirty minutes, but by the time I returned, I had several deep scratches in my doors.

I’m normally not one to go for conspiracy theories, but you don’t drive deep into the heart of Bush country to work for the other side without expecting a little resistance. My fellow freedom-fighters tried to convince me that the vandalism could be the work of the Amish as they are surprising supporters of the Bush agenda. I quickly dismissed that idea as I made my peace with the Amish a long time ago.

I am saddened to see our country divided in such a way that something as stupid as a license plate angers someone, but that’s America in the 21st century. It’s unfortunate that I can’t make a threat to move to Canada when Bush is re-elected as I believe there is a warrant out for my arrest there. Maybe I can become an expatriate like Dexter Gordon and one day be elected to the Jazz Hall of Fame unless of course I’m thrown into some internment camp first.