I realize this is not the thrilling update you were looking for, but Ypsilanti’s Heritage Festival is coming up this weekend. The most important and exciting thing about the event is the parade on Saturday morning. The Historic East Side Neighborhood Association will be marching again with our float. In addition, our award-winning precision drill team will be joining us again with an all-new choreographed number. We will be 61st in the parade, right behind the Nightmare Cruise. Last year we were almost last, just barely ahead of some people dressed up as vegetables. If you live on the Historic East Side, you are encouraged to join us. It’s not a necessity that you have a cordless drill to be a member of the drill team, but if you don’t have one, you’ll need a really long extension cord. Thank you very much. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

As a special added bonus, we now have neighborhood association t-shirts available for purchase with the hope that you’ll wear it in the parade. The nice folks at VG Kids hooked us up with the stylish t-shirts. They are only ten bucks. We are currently sold out of every size except XL. It’s not important that you live on the Historic East Side to buy one, but if you don’t live here, there’s no guarantee that I won’t wear it once or twice before selling it to you. The hipsters out there might even consider this an ironic t-shirt they could wear to some college mixer or social event.

If you would like to confirm your spot on the drill team, drop me a line at iwanttomarchintheparade@hesna.org. If you want to purchase a t-shirt, you can do so by sending an email to t-shirtsaresupercool@hesna.org.