In response to numerous MoveOn.org Bake Sales For Democracy, I thought it would be a kick to stage a Bake Sale Against Democracy. Before I get any more emails telling me to “leave the country you pinko bastard,” let me state again that I am a big-time John Kerry supporter. I’ve never been a big fan of political action committees. I figured that by staging my own independent bake sale, all of the money I raised could be split 50-50 with John Kerry and myself. That way, everyone is a winner.

Boy was I wrong.

I called in sick most of the week in hopes of doing a lot of baking, but instead, I ended up watching a lot of BBCAmerica. That Alan Titchmarsh is so cool. Anyway. I ended up only making a few things. I whipped up a tasty Anarchy Apple Crisp. The Dictator’s Devil’s Food Cake was a bit dry however. I couldn’t hold this bake sale with only two items, so I picked up a few items at the grocery store and tried to sell whatever old canned goods I had in the back of the pantry. I assumed by having products like Autocratic Almond Joy, Oppressive Oreos, and McDonald’s Freedom Fries, the sale would go off like gangbusters.

To make a long story short, neighbor kids egged my car and ran off with the Idi Amin Finger Sandwiches. I’ll try again in a couple of weeks and see how it goes.